Over 17 years ago I took the leap in deciding to educate my son—who was my only child at the time.  It didn’t seem like a daunting task for me since I had already been teaching him.  That’s just my natural bent.  I teach.  It’s as natural to me as breathing air.  So homeschooling seemed like a perfect fit.  On top of that, my son LOVED learning.  So teaching him was fun.  I would teach and he would learn quickly, easily and excitedly.  Ahhhh….A match made in heaven!

If only it had stayed that way.

Fast forward a few years.  Now I’m a mom to not only 1 child, but 4.  Now I had lots of little people who were totally dependent on me for almost everything.  The controlling side of me loved that.  I was able to decide what they learned, the kind of people they were around, the books they read, what they ate, etc. But the I-have-one-shot-at-this-and-I-have-to-get-it-right side of me found having my children depend on me for everything to be overwhelming and fear-inducing.

I don’t know about you, but my family looked at me like I was an alien when I decided to teach my children from home. Even after 17 years, they still ask me if I’m planning to put them in school.  I’m no longer offended by that, but there was a time when their words became a heavy, heavy burden I carried.  I HAD to get this right.  I HAD to make sure they stayed ahead of  public school.  I HAD to show them our children were doing better at home.  (Yep, I compared my children with their cousins who are in public school.)

And if my burdens weren’t heavy enough, I added another self-imposed burden.  The burden of trying to do what I thought others around me were doing.  All the other moms seem to be able to do it all.  They baked their own bread.  They ground their own flour. They kept their homes organized, cleaned, and beautifully decorated.   They made sure their children completed age appropriate chores daily. They   didn’t fall behind in grading their children’s work.  They encouraged and supported their husbands.  They exercised regularly.  They journaled and read daily.  They had weekly date nights with each of their children.  They…. You get the picture.

In spite of my relentless pursuit to do it all, I failed miserably.

Here’s the truth I learned. It’s not possible to do it all. No one can. Let that truth sink deep into your bones. But here’s the good news. We don’t need to do it all to be a good mom. Along the way, I’ve learned an additional set of truths that have freed me from the burdens of trying to do it all. In turn, they have enabled me to really enjoy the amazing privilege of being a mom and educating them from home:

Truth 1: Perfection isn’t possible, nor is it necessary.
I can love and serve my children imperfectly and it will be enough.  I can fail them miserably and my failures can be corrected.  I can fall short in a hundred different areas of my life, and my children can still be the people they were created to be.  They can still know they are deeply loved.

Truth 2:  Be intentional about deciding what’s important.
Stop listening to all of the voices that tell you what you should be doing,  and listen to the desires in your own heart. What do you long to do? What’s really important and why is it important? What are the core values of your family?  Focus your energy on what you really care about and forget about the rest –WITH NO GUILT. If you need help with this, visit Susan Seay’s website.  She is a homeschool mom who helps fellow moms be intentional witht heir parenting.

Truth 3: Remember, homeschooling is not a sprint.  It’s a marathon.
Rome wasn’t built in a day.  Your children are learning and developing.  You are learning.  Your family is in a continual state of change.  Enjoy the journey and be patient with yourself–and your children.

Truth 4: Keep the end goal in mind.
Think about the kind of people you want your children to be.  Think about the kind of skills you want them to have.  Then make decisions that move you towards your goals.  The key is to continually make progress. Without a goal in mind, you’ll be all over the place.

Truth 5: What works for one family won’t work for another.
Some dads help with homeschooling.  Some dads travel a lot.  Some families are naturally very organized.  Some families live near their extended family.  Each of our family dynamics are different.  Each of our finances are different.  Each of our childhood experiences are different.  Each of our personal preferences are different.  Each of our life circumstances are different.  Therefore, we should not expect our homeschool to look like anyone else’s, nor should we compare.  It’s just not fair.  The comparison will NEVER be fair comparison. Besides, each of us was designed to be an original.  Celebrate your family’s uniqueness while admiring the uniqueness of other families.

Truth 6: What works in one season of life, may not work during another season.
When my children were very young, we were home most of the time.  I cooked three meals a day. I made biscuits, pancakes, oatmeal, etc from scratch fro breakfast every morning.  Cereal was completely out of the question because it was processed and unhealthy.  These days, my children are very active in sports and other activities and I have a business.

I’m in a new season where it’s more important for me to use my time to support my children’s interests and to provide financially for the needs of my family. In this new season, it’s important that breakfast be quick and easy, so on some days, my children eat cereal or other easy foods for breakfast.

Truth 7: Please don’t try to do it all.
Rest.  Ask for help.  Let some things go undone. Life will go on just fine with dirty floors, uncombed hair, or when a kid does not complete a math lesson.  Take a deep breath.  It’ll be ok. Enjoy this beautiful, amazing journey that you’ve been priviledged to experience with your children.  It truly is a blessing to have the opportunity to educate our children from home.  Before we know it, our homes will be empty, clean, and quiet.

If we internalize these truths, we won’t care about the curriculum we chose, we won’t care that we didn’t go on that one field trip, and we won’t care that we are always behind on our laundry.  We will care about the relationships that we’ve developed, the memories we’ve made and the lives that we’ve impacted.  We will care that we’ve prepared our children to be people who are healthy, and responsible, to be people who are ready to love and lead their families well, and to make a positive difference in this world.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to love.

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Today’s post was written by Alecia Baptiste. Alecia is the wife of 21 years to the most patient and gracious man on earth. She is the mom of four children who have revealed much about her imperfections and her own need of Divine intervention.  She resides in Leander, TX where she is a writer, speaker, mentor, and life coach for moms. She empowers moms to become the amazing women they were created to be.  You can connect with Alecia on Facebook or at her website, Alecia Baptiste.

For us, homeschooling is a family affair. If we wish to have a successful school year, all five of us need to work together.  My husband is the breadwinner and works outside our home to ensure we have the money we need to pay for books, supplies, and activities. I do the vast majority of the teaching, while our children are responsible for paying attention, working cooperatively, and completing their assignments.

Though everyone has an important part to play in the homeschool family, there is one member of the homeschool family who may sometimes be left out of the loop: the father. Fathers are an important part of our homeschools, but because many are away at work during the day, it may take a bit of effort to actively involve fathers in the homeschool. Here are a few ideas we can use to help ensure fathers become active homeschool participants.

Talk to him.
The best way to help a father understand what’s going on in the family homeschool is to talk to him. Don’t assume he already knows and don’t assume he’s not interested in what’s going on. Each day, take time to talk to him about what’s happening in his homeschool and encourage your children to do the same. Let dad know what books his children are reading and make sure he’s aware of any new special interests his children develop. The active homeschool father can use this information to create meaningful conversations and connections with his children.

Set goals together.
Don’t plan the school year all by yourself. Invite your husband to join you as you sift through books, study curriculum, and consider activities. Tell him you value his opinion and seek it. Ask your husband his opinion on educational choices and see what he’d like his children to learn and do. As you work together to plan activities and opportunities for the coming year, assign tasks or set up checkpoints for both of you. This can help the homeschool father stay active all year long and his input may introduce opportunities and activities you’d not previously considered.

Attend a homeschool convention together. The spring homeschool convention season is one of my favorite times of the year. The homeschool convention’s workshops and shopping opportunities are great, but I find if my husband accompanies me, the experience is much better. We spend quality time together, enjoy encouraging workshops (some even designed just for homeschool fathers!), and have time to question curriculum providers together. The time we spend at the homeschool convention draws us closer together and keeps us stay on the same page.

Create special projects for fathers to do with their children.
Since many fathers are not able to teach daily, consider having Dad help his children with special projects outside the regular school day. This will become a special time of father/child bonding and will also provide a hands-on homeschooling opportunity the homeschool father can enjoy. Earlier this school year, as I taught a detailed study of the human body and all its systems, my husband worked with our children to create the amazing skeletal model that now hangs in our schooling area.  All of us loved it (and our friend Skelly looks great too!).

Have him take children on field trips.
The homeschool father may not be available to partake in daily homeschool lessons, but he may be able to take on extension activities. If you’ve spent a month studying marine animals, plan a “Day Out with Dad” trip to the aquarium or to the beach. These experiences will allow the homeschool father to bond with his children while reinforcing what you have taught. Be sure to schedule activities well in advance so your husband has time to make room for them in his schedule.

The homeschool father is an important member of the homeschool family. If we fail to include him and neglect opportunities to involve him, our homeschools will not be as successful as they could be. Fathers can bring a fresh perspective and a new level of excitement to our homeschools. Let’s not miss this golden opportunity to solidify our family team, enhance our relationships, and improve our homeschools!

On days when my responsibilities pile up and my workload is heavy, I often find comfort in watching my children play in our backyard. Watching them joyfully run around the trees and seeing them happily soar on the swings always makes smile. Even though a bit of play would be a great personal stress reliever, I always stop short of wishing I could be a child again.

Why? Because being a child in today’s world is hard. Rampant violence threatens our children’s lives. Sexist and racist attitudes seek to impose limitations on our children. Bullying threatens our children’s self esteem and fosters feelings of fear and isolation. Social media has ushered in a new age of digital peer pressure, encouraging children to seek shallow fame and conform to unhealthy standards.

In order to survive in today’s world, children must have attentive parents who work hard to raise healthy, capable, well-educated, and confident boys and girls. We must spend quality time with our children, teaching them to love their brown skin and celebrate their rich heritage. Here are seven things you can do, TODAY, to teach your children to love themselves, just as they are.

Teach your children to be themselves.

In our home, my husband and I teach our girls that they are wonderful beings created by a loving God. We teach them that God did not err when He created them and that they must be themselves. That means our children must be taught to embrace the beauty of their curly hair, see the artistry in their full lips, and recognize the allure of their brown skin. Teach your children to celebrate their uniqueness and discourage them from wanting to fit into another’s mold.

Help your children discover their gifts and talents.

We teach our three daughters that they have been born with amazing gifts and special talents. We renin d them that these gifts are to not be ignored, squandered, or taken for granted. Study your children to learn more about their gifts and talents. Ask them questions about the things they enjoy. Once you discover those gifts and talents, introduce your children to opportunities and activities that will help them hone their gifts.

Teach your children that outward appearance does not define who they are.

Our world has an unhealthy obsession with physical appearance. Unfortunately, height, weight, skin tone, bust size, and muscular build have become the criteria for acceptance. We must remind our children that who they are inside is vastly more important than how they look on the outside. Outer beauty fades, but true inner beauty does not dim. Martin Luther King, Jr. reflected such sentiment in his I Have a Dream speech, Martin Luther King, Jr. when he spoke about the content of one’s character. We must teach our children to develop integrity and remind them that their character provides a true definition of who they are.

Show your children you love them.

The words I love you are spoken in our home several times a day. Our girls hear it from my husband and me regularly, but we know that true love does not come from words alone. Love is a verb; it is an action. We must show love to our children by talking to them, by helping them, by encouraging them, and by spending time with them. Being with our children shows that we love them and opens the door to meaningful conversation.

Help your child find friends who will encourage and uplift him.

Friends influence how our children think and behave. This is why it is important for our children to have friends who encourage and uplift them. Does this mean our children should only have African-Amerian friends? Certainly not. It merely means that our children’s friends ought to be children who accept them as who they are and encourage them in their efforts.

Teach your children about their African-American heritage.

Teach your children about their African-American heritage year round and make African-American history an integral part of your homeschool studies. Introduce your children to African-American pioneers in each of the subject areas. Read books about the accomplishments of fellow African-Americans and study literature written by African-Americans. Find an African-American who successfully uses a gift or talent your child has and interview that individual.

Be your child’s mirror.

In spite of all we do, there may be times when our children cannot see their own beauty and reject themselves. When those times occur, we have to serve as a mirror for our children by reflecting and reminding them of how special they are. Using picture books featuring African-American children is often a helpful strategy to help reinforce a positive self image.

It is possible to help our children adopt the attitude needed to proudly accept who they are. However, it does not happen without purposeful parental intervention. Make time to pour love into your children and plant seeds of healthy self-esteem within them. You’ll be helping to raise a generation of proud, well-educated, confident African-American children!

A new school year is here and our motherly responsibilities have shifted into high gear. If you’re anything like me, you spend the day wearing many hats simultaneously.

Of course, you’re always mom, but you’re also teacher, chef, counselor, laundress, chauffeur, manager, etc. Your responsibilities include cooking, etching, driving, folding, sweeping, hugging, and nurturing, just to name a few.

I’m sure you’re well aware that trying to keep up with all those tasks can soon become overwhelming. In the blink of an eye, you find yourself buried alive under dozens of responsibilities. Beware busy mom, motherly burnout may be lurking just around the corner!

Let’s start the school year right by making sure we’re aware of the symptoms of burnout. Understanding the symptoms now can help avoid a devastating crash and burn later this school year.

 

 

Symptoms of Burnout:

exhaustion                     crankiness                mental fogginess           physical ailments

overeating                      loss of appetite        negative thoughts         forgetfulness

anxiety                            lack of self care       inefficiency                      pessimism

crying                              anger                         hopelessness                   guilt

detachment                    fear                            insomnia                         cynicism

How To Avoid Burnout

Motherly burnout does not have to be a fact of life.  There are things we can do to prevent becoming a burnout victim. Checkout these five tips and put them into practice today.

• Lower your expectations. You don’t have to do everything. In fact, you won’t be able to do everything. Don’t berate yourself if the house isn’t dust free every day. Don’t give yourself a mental beating if each meal you serve isn’t gourmet quality. Stop blasting yourself for not having time to get everyone’s hair twisted or braided perfectly before heading out the door to lessons.
• Prioritize. Recognize that everything can’t be at the top of your to do list. Determine what’s most important and start there. In my household, the most important things are homeschooling, meals, and laundry. Review your household responsibilities and talk to your family. Together, determine your family’s top three priorities.
• Require children to help out. One of the reasons many of us are struggling under the heavy weight of responsibility is because we don’t require our children to help out around the house. When children help out with dishwashing, laundry, sweeping, and vacuuming, and even cooking (depending upon the age of the child) the motherly load we carry is lightened.
• Be flexible. Be willing to change when you see something is not working. This is not a failure; it’s merely a readjustment. If the science curriculum you’re using is too hard to teach or the number of toddler playdates is draining you, make some changes. You’ll feel less stressed and your family will too!
• Plug into a support system. Please put down that Superwoman cape and stop trying to fly solo. Homeschooling is much easier when you have a support system. Find fellow homeschool moms in real life and/or online share your struggles. Most are eager to connect and you’ll soon be reminded that you’re not alone!

Have you ever experienced motherly burnout? If so, how did you handle it?